What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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