he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
