I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
