I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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