Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
