I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
