WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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