I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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