Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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