I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
