I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
