Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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