If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
