I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
