i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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