No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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