Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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