Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if only i could text you this smell
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
