You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
