Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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