we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
