i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
