I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
