i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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