drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hippo gnu deer
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
