Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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