There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
