My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
