Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you traded sex for a burrito?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
