1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
