dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is the high leading the old right now
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
