My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
