when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
