you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
