what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
