I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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