I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
