Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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