I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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