final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
