My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
