I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
