I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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