they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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