i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
