Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
