So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
