My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
