So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
