Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
