Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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