Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
