hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
how does that bad decision feel?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
