Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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