I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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