operation have a gay friend backfired
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
