I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
