My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
