I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
