So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
