the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize