You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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