I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
