I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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