Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
