yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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