I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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