Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
