HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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