I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize