How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
