so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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