Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
