im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
